This last week has been a slow start to the year, I had planned to get so much work done, and tick of a bunch of to-dos from my list, this is not what happened.
Apparently, I was not quite ready to face the world as I was hoping and it threw me into what I call a 'dip' for a few days. I was feeling a mix of exhausted and frustrated before I realised that I had set my self up for failure. I know that when I try to do too much, I get overwhelmed and while I want to do all the things I can't do it all the time. I had had a pretty mellow and a very lovely Christmas, but I think I forgot that just before Christmas I launched a whole new venture in my Signs of the Sewdiac Subscription boxes. This all took more of a toll on me that I realised and although we had some time off over Christmas, My mind was still checking sign-ups, emails and social media for feedback and comments even though I was technically on holiday.
I am so lucky that My life at the moment, unlike a lot of others, gives me the freedom to step back and take the time I need to recharge, whenever I need to before I have to go back to reality. I am feeling much more like myself today having allowed myself the time to rest and stopped punishing myself for feeling like I had already failed everything already the new year!
That last statement may seem extreme to many of you, but all I can tell you is that it seems so to me too on this side of my dip, but at the bottom of it it felt genuine. I have spent a long time coming to terms with how my depression and anxiety affects me and my life, sometimes I can fight it and get the fuck on with it, and sometimes I have to know when not to fight, I let it in and let it go away in its own time. Like I said I am fortunate that I can do this and I am not stuck with a nine to five job that would make it hard for me to do that. I also don't have any children relying on me, which I hope will change shortly, but until then I can take advantage of the luxury that my lifestyle allows. I find that If I can do this when I get back up to my 'normal' self the work I produce is so much better than If I try and work through it. It can take twice as long to work through, and the work I do get done is not great.
What I am trying to say is that for me it is better to be a little selfish and not push myself too hard when it's not working and that when I reach the other side of the dip (which I will always), everything will be okay again. I wanted to share this because I know from nearly everyone I speak to that depression and anxiety is something we all have been through or touched by at some point in our lives, and that there is no one way to deal with how you are feeling. There is however always a way.
It isn't a bad thing to take a detour or press pause on things that seem too much to deal with right now. There is no shame in admitting that you need your Mum to come over and help you take your Christmas decorations down instead of going to the office and photographing new stock for one day! I say this for my reassurance more than anything as I am seriously the worst at asking for help, or taking a day off.
Anyway, As I said, I hope that you have had a more productive start to the year and if not that's cool too.
Sammy xxx
